I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
