Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
