Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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