the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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