I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
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VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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