Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
