the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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