Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize