He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
