I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
