If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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