I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
