I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
