Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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