Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
