when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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