Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
