i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
