My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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