Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
