I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This house was built for laser tag.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
