yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
