I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
