I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
