used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
