I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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