I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We are all done wearing pants today
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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