Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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