He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
