If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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