Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
me + whiskey = a bad person
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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