Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
