i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
