if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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