Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
