Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i drank out of a bidet.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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