3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
