if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
