Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
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I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
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The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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