I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
