that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
