the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Randomize
