you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
