I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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