the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
