It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
