a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
