just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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