fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
