I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
