ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
