Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
