having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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