new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I stole a fireplace last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Alive.
So much puke
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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