He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
