You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
