After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
