at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
