he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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