Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize