So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
