You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
