I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
