what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
