Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
