my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
