can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
