You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
