I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is classic penis vs brain.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
