THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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