Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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