We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
