Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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