they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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