Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
