it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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