Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
