i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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